(First off, a quick "housekeeping" note: I'm going to try to post every day, if only to report there's nothing to report. Nothing like a little redundancy to get your blood pumping, eh?)
I'm having my first "this sucks" moment. Wow, I made it one whole day before turning into Debbie Downer. Someone call Guinness. (And no, not the beer people, although I could use one right now.)
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not supposed to see some major change right away. I'm a very results-oriented person, and I always have been. This means that if you tell me it's going to take a year to learn how to do something, I will do my best to find a way to learn it in a week. If I can't find a way, then I quit. It sucks, and it's very defeatist, but hey -- that's how I roll, people.
So I walked for 35 minutes this morning, and I ate fairly well (I'm finishing the day a whopping 37 calories under my daily budget of 1,798, according to my Lose It iPhone app, but I'm still finishing under). I was never starving or felt cheated, and I'm actually going to bed feeling sated in terms of appetite.
So can someone please explain to me why I still feel like today was a failure?
Is it because I didn't manage to run a marathon today? Survive on 500 calories? Fit into a size six pair of True Religions? (And yes, I know that they don't size them that way. I'm trying to make a point here, people.) I think I expected something to change when I made this declaration of intent to lose this weight. What that "something" is, I haven't a clue. Maybe I expected to have a crapload of energy so that I could have walked longer, or maybe I expected my body to recognize my intentions and start behaving in a more "athletic" way. I don't know. What I do know is that my expectations are obviously unrealistic. So what can I do about that?
I think the iPhone app I'm using will help some. Lose It is a way to track the calories you take in, plus factor in any exercise you may have done. You enter your starting weight, your goal weight, and how many pounds you'd like to lose each week; the app gives you the calorie limit for each day and tells you when you should reach your goal (my D-Day is around the end of June 2011, I believe). I am hoping that, once I get more days under my belt, I will be able to see my progress -- however slow it may be -- and my unrealistic expectations will either go away or actually begin to be more attainable.
For now, I have to be happy with going to bed feeling simultaneously satisfied and unsatisfied. Nothing like a little inner confusion to end your day!
My mum's struggled with the same problem when she's tried to lose weight. I don't know what you can do except remind yourself that a) you are doing the right thing, and that's what matters, and b) that slow weight loss is much better for your body than really fast weight loss. I know that "facts" don't help fight your inner demons much, but keep on keeping on - you can do it!
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl! Don't forget to measure your progress by the inches you lose, the clothes that loosen up, the stairs that easier to climb, (wait, scratch that last one - they NEVER get easier!!!) the longer you can exercise, the healthier you feel, the more energy you have. It'll come, and if you feel like given up, I'm flying over the Atlantic and giving you a good ole Southern switchin'! (and yes, you'll have to pick your own switch out!) Love ya!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Heather! I think what you're doing is great & the blog is an awesome way to vent & get some support! Dieting isn't easy, been there & done that, but as soon as you do see just the teeniest bit of results you'll look back at today & go, "Why was I so hard on myself???". Keep it up girl! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a LONG slow hourly battle here ... I just took your lead and joined LOSE IT! ... we should be friends on there and journey together.
ReplyDeletep.s. this is SL's daughter. the SL that is soon to be attached to CDD!